The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
This essay question is from Cambridge IELTS 10 Test 1 Writing Task 1.
Australian household energy use
Australian household greenhouse gas emissions
Sample Essay
The first chart displays energy consumption in the average household in Australia, while the second chart illustrates the greenhouse gas emissions that come from this energy consumption.
Overall, while heating and water heating account for a significant proportion of energy use, most greenhouse gas emissions result from watering heating and other appliances.
Heating and water heating are the two largest uses of energy, at 42 and 30 percent of the total respectively. Other appliances consume another 15 percent, which is roughly twice as high as the percentage of energy used for refrigeration. The proportions of energy consumed for lighting and cooling are both very small, at 4 and 2 percent respectively.
Water heating is also a major source of greenhouse gas emissions, making up almost a third of total emissions. The second-largest amount of emissions comes from other appliances, at 28 percent of the total. Heating, surprisingly, is only responsible for 15 percent of total emissions, and this figure is roughly the same as that for refrigeration. The remaining 11 percent results from lighting and cooling.
177 Words
Preposition
Generally, it should be ‘energy consumption for <a purpose such as heating water>’, or ‘energy consumption by <some kind of equipment or organisation>.’
So: energy consumption for heating water OR energy consumption by water heaters.
How To Vary Your Language
Greenhouse Gas Emissions
“Greenhouse gas emissions” is a common and well-recognized phrase. Don’t try to change it. For example, don’t change it to “the amount of greenhouse gases emitted/produced”. One way is to use just “emissions”. Once we’ve established the context that we’re talking about greenhouse gas emissions, ‘greenhouse gas’ becomes redundant, as it’s obvious we’re referring to that. Please read the last paragraph to see how I used only “emissions”.
We can also use the constructions below to vary our language:
20 CommentsLeave A Comment
Can we group the info from the 1st and 2nd pie chart in the report? So we write how much energy heating uses, and that causes this amount of emissions.
Yes, you can do that.
The given two pie charts illustrate the comparability of house hold energy use and greenhouse gas emissions in Australia for heating, cooling, lighting, refrigeration, water heating and other appliances.
At first glance it is clear that the main component of the house hold energy uses for heating overall more than half of the statistics. The least use of household energy for cooling is remarked 2%. The household energy for lighting just mere 2% in cooling while a small percentage of household energy is used for the use of refrigeration about 7%. The use of energy for other appliances just half portion of water heating in 30%.
When household energy is compared with greenhouse gas emissions there are significant increments and decreases can be seen. The energy for heating is decreased by 27% when it comes to usage of emissions. Lighting just mere 2% comparing with household energy use. The use of emission for other appliances is remarked just more than quarter, 28% statistically. The users for refrigeration is increased by half of the statistic for emissions than household energy use. There is a slight difference by 2% growth in emissions for the use of water heating comparing with household energy.
Hi, Can you check it if it deserves high bands ?
The first pie chart shows us the different energy consumptions in a Australian household in percentages while the second pie chart illustrates how greenhouse gas emissions is affected from these usages in propotion.
Owerall, informations given by charts make clear that water heating and other appliances usages have significant impact on greenhouse gas emissions even if heating and water heating energy types are the more consumed ones in Australian houses.
According to data we reached from charts, water heating and heating usages have the largest pies in houses with propotions % 30 and % 42, respectively. On the other hand, other appliances and refrigeration consumptions are the following important ones with portions orderly % 15 and %7 meanwhile cooling and lighting have the less percentages with %2 and %4, respectively.
With informations showed in charts, water heating, other appliances and refrigerator cause most gas emissions with in an order 32, 28 and 14 percents. Besides that, cooling, lighting and heating energy uses are the less effective factors on gas emissions in Australian.
The pie charts provide information regarding the usage of several gas energy types and the amounts of gas emission that are produced by those types of energy in an average Australian family.
As can be clearly seen from the charts, the average Australian family use energy for heating, while the highest proportion of gas emission is produced by water heating.
Looking at the information in more detail, using energy for heating makes up the largest proportion of the total energy used by an average Australian family, at 42%. The energy used for water heating was the second most popular usage of energy, it comprises nearly a third of the total energy consumption. Moreover, water heating and heating accounted for roughly under half of total gas emission, collectively.
Turning to the remaining segments of the couple of charts, the usage of energy by other appliances is twice as much as refrigeration. Similarly, the amount of gas emission that is generated by other appliances is double the refrigeration, at 28% and 14% , respectively. Lighting and cooling make up the smallest part of the energy use chart, they make up one in twenty of that chart. Those two energy sources also contributed the least to gas emission, at around one-tenth of the total.
Good Writer
Hello, thanks very much as ìt is of great help.
Does it deserve 8,5?
Hi, John. The essay was corrected and improved by native speakers. I cannot guarantee that it can score an 8.5. However, I can say that it deserves at least an 8.
I see. Many thanks)).
How can I get my essays checked?
Lilly mam ,it deserve 7 or 7.5, because less use of connector
Hi, thanks for your comments. Why do you think that using a lot of linking words is a good thing? Do native speakers use a lot of linking words in their writing?
It’s really very helpful for my increase score in writing
Thank you Lilie King
This essay is really helpful but not account for some mistakes
Thank you, Bahor. What do you mean by “not account for some mistakes”? The essay was corrected and improved by native speakers. There is no error.
hello. I found several mistakes in your essay, I am glad to correct them. first of all, ‘ display ‘ is not appropriate here, it is better to use ‘ show ‘, then ‘ to be responsible for ‘ is used in negative sentences like smoking, not heating. To get a higher score, use fractions not to repeat numbers a lot, especially in pie charts.
Hi, this essay was corrected and improved by native English speakers. There is no error.
To address your concerns:
1. “Display” is correct and idiomatic here. Here’s a quote from the Guardian: The graph DISPLAYS the rise in circulation figures between December 1939 and August 1946, and the further boost between August and October 1946.
2. The use of “responsible for” in that sentence is absolutely correct and idiomatic, according to a native speaker.
3. I used only one fraction for a reason. “Half” and “third” are easily graspable, but when you get into tenths, sixths, etc., it gets cumbersome (and some people can’t easily convert them in their heads). Don’t switch between percentages and fractions just for stylistic variety. Mathematical clarity, including clarity of language, is more important than style in this situation.
Thanks for this… Its really helpful
Glad you found it helpful! 😊
Thanks you
it is very helpful for me