The First Chart Below Shows How Energy
Written by Lilie
Scored a 7 twice in the writing test
June 1, 2021
The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This essay question is from Cambridge IELTS 10 Test 1 Writing Task 1.
Australian household energy use
Australian household greenhouse gas emissions
Sample Essay
The first chart displays energy consumption in the average household in Australia, while the second chart illustrates the greenhouse gas emissions that come from this energy consumption.
Overall, while heating and water heating account for a significant proportion of energy use, most greenhouse gas emissions result from watering heating and other appliances.
Heating and water heating are the two largest uses of energy, at 42 and 30 percent of the total respectively. Other appliances consume another 15 percent, which is roughly twice as high as the percentage of energy used for refrigeration. The proportions of energy consumed for lighting and cooling are both very small, at 4 and 2 percent respectively.
Water heating is also a major source of greenhouse gas emissions, making up almost a third of total emissions. The second-largest amount of emissions comes from other appliances, at 28 percent of the total. Heating, surprisingly, is only responsible for 15 percent of total emissions, and this figure is roughly the same as that for refrigeration. The remaining 11 percent results from lighting and cooling. (177 Words)
Percent vs Percentage Points
Preposition
Generally, it should be ‘energy consumption for <a purpose such as heating water>’, or ‘energy consumption by <some kind of equipment or organisation>.’
So: energy consumption for heating water OR energy consumption by water heaters.
How To Vary Your Language
Greenhouse Gas Emissions
“Greenhouse gas emissions” is a common and well-recognized phrase. Don’t try to change it. For example, donāt change it to āthe amount of greenhouse gases emitted/producedā. One way is to use just āemissionsā. Once weāve established the context that weāre talking about greenhouse gas emissions, ‘greenhouse gas’ becomes redundant, as it’s obvious weāre referring to that. Please read the last paragraph to see how I used only āemissionsā.
We can also use the constructions below to vary our language:
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The pie charts illustrates about consumption of energy by Australian households and the rates of greenhouse gas emissions by households.
Overall, most of the proportion of energy used by heating, water heating and other appliances while least green house gas was emitted as a result of cooling, lightning and heating.
Use of power source by Heating and water heating was just above two fifths and approximately 30% respectively however almost 15% of proportion of energy consumed by other appliances. Moreover, proportion of Refrigeration, lightning and cooling remained under 10%.
On the other hand, approximately 32% and 28% of the total proportion of green house gas emission was accounted as a result of water heating and use of other appliances. However, percentage of energy consumed by refrigeration, heating, lightening and cooling remained under two fifths. Heating used highest energy while expelled far less greenhouse gas, but other appliances consumed less power and emitted almost double proportion of green house g
I just saw what you posted about not changing ‘greenhouse gases emissions’ to any synonymous word or phrase, so I edited it.
The pie charts present data about what an average Australian household uses up energy for and give information about where the greenhouse gases emissions come from using these.
Overall, although the largest energy usage comes from heating, most greenhouse gases emitted are caused by water heating and other appliances.
Heating and water heating are the most commonly consumer of energy in an average Australian household, at 42% and 30%, respectively. The use of other appliances, which comes third, is half as less as water heating usage. Refrigeration, lighting, and cooling require a relatively lesser energy than the other three, with 7%, 4%, and 2% energy use, respectively.
Accounting for the largest emissions of greenhouse gases than any of the processes, water heating and other appliances are at 32% and 28%, respectively. In contrast, while heating utilizes the highest amount energy, it does not release as much greenhouse gases, only at 15%. It is noteworthy that the energy usage for refrigeration, lighting, and cooling is directly proportional to their emissions, at 14%, 8%, and 3%, respectively.
Can someone please score this for me? It’s my first writing in a decade and I’d really like to know where I stand…
There are two charts illustrated below, while the first one depicts the proportion if energy usage in different areas by a standard Australian family, the latter presents the amount of greenhouse gas emission derived from the former.
Overall, it is clear that the heating utilizations (heating and water heating) constitute the majority of total consumption, while domestic appliances (cooling, refrigeration and other appliances) come second in majority and lighting stays in minority. In addition the same setup stands out from the emission graph.
Regarding the heating utilizations, these are proportionately dominant in usage of energy with74%, while this figure constitutes just under half of emission chart.
Focusing on the domestic appliances, these use up nearly a quarter of total energy, although they emit approximately half of the greenhouse gas. Moreover, lighting uses up merely 4% of energy in an average Australian home, however its emission share is twice as much.
I like the same writing style. However, such writing seems easy, but quite helpful to score plus 7. Thank you very much for providing such an opportunity and the way which helps thousands of students to follow up the same path.
The illustrated pie charts represent the consumption of energy as well as the emission rate of greenhouse gases resulted from the energy used on an average Austalian domestic use.
Overall, it can clearly viewed from the legends that, although heating consumed highest proportion of energy but the maximum greenhouse gas emissions was accounted from water heating.
Moving onto the detailed information of three equipments (heating, water heating, and lighting), heating occupied almost half of the total energy used at 42% whilst the emission of gas from heating was marked at the value of just 15%. Moreover, there was slight difference of 2 % in the energy consumption (30%) and gas emission (32%) rate of water heating. Furthermore, the emission of cooling was 3% which was 1% higher than usage value (2%).
Talking about the remaining parts (refrigeration, other appliances, lighting), around 15% Australian residents used other appliances interms of energy released which was more than half percentage as compared to the emission rate (28%). Similarly, the emission figure of refrigeration (14%) and lighting (8%) was exactly double the consumption that is 7% and 4% respectively.
The two pie charts represent a static percentage of energy use for household purposes in Australia and their outcome as greenhouse gases.
Most Australians utilize energy sources for their room heating and water heating purposes, about 42% and 30%, respectively. Which cover 15 percent and 32 percent of the greenhouse gas emissions, respectively.
In Australia, purposes like cooling, lighting, refrigeration, and other appliances cover one fourth of the energy use. These applications emit about half of the greenhouse gas. while the most usable heating and cooling application emits the rest of the percentage. Water heating produces the same amount of gas as it uses for household purposes. But room heating produces less greenhouse gas than it uses. In contrast, the use of energy for other appliances produces more gas in Australia.
Overall, the statistic ratio is more concerning, and household appliances should be used in a certain way to lower the greenhouse gas emission percentage.
The first chart shows the energy consumption by the average household in Australia.,while the second chart illustrates the greenhouse gas emission that come from this energy consumption.
More specifically, heating and water heating consume significant amount of energy, most of the greenhouse gas emission come from water heating and other appliances.
Moreover heating and water heating are the two largest uses of energy, at 42 and 30 percent of the total.Other appliances consume 15%, which is roughly twice as energy used by refrigeration.Lighting and cooling use minute energy, at 4% and 2%.
In conclusion, water heating is one of the major source of greenhouse gas emission. The second largest source of emission is other appliances. Shockingly, heating produce less amount of emission rather than uses of energy, as the refrigeration Produce 14%, while using energy about 7%. The final 11% result from lighting and cooling, at 8% and 3%.
The pie charts below give information about the proportion of energy used for various purposes and the percentage of emitted greenhouse gas produced from energy consumption. Overall, roughly all six energy consumption methods produce a higher emission rate, although āheatingā is the only one that causes less greenhouse gas pollution.
The energy rate used for heating and water heating is the most common way an Australian household consumes, with rates of 42% and 30%, respectively. There is a 15% consumption rate in other appliances, which is roughly twice as high as the percentage of energy used in refrigeration. The lighting usage scored only 4%, compared with the cooling consumption rate, which shrank by two times.
Considering the greenhouse fumes made by these categories, water heating goes to the top of the list, scoring almost one-third of the pie chart. Like the energy use pie chart, other appliances enjoyed a doubling score compared with refrigeration and almost heating rate, with a percentage of 28%. The other two categories have the least points again, with 8% for lighting, just 5% higher than cooling energy use.
The pie charts gives a clear picture of average household energy consumed and greenhouse gases emitted through various daily life appliances in Australia. The figures particularly describe about appliances that produce heat, cool and light.
In the first chart, most significant amount of energy is being consumed by the heating appliances that is both heating and water heating together roughly consume three quarters of household energy consumption. A very reasonable percentage of energy is being used by refrigerating appliances. With cooling and lighting taking 2 and 4 percentages of energy respectively, all the other appliances which are not under thermal and lighting categories are using 15% of energy.
When it comes to the greenhouse gas emissions, the chart presents us with different statistics indicating that energy consumption and greenhouse gas emissions are not closely related. As of energy consumption, heating devices which play major role emit decent amount of greenhouse gases of about 15%, whereas water heating devices produce nearly equal percentage of greenhouse gases with the energy they have been utilizing. But the heating appliances together occupy roughly 50%of the greenhouse gas emissions covering up the major part of the pie chart. Other cooling, lighting and refrigerating appliances leave greenhouse gases double the percentage of energy consumed.
Can we group the info from the 1st and 2nd pie chart in the report? So we write how much energy heating uses, and that causes this amount of emissions.
Yes, you can do that.
The given two pie charts illustrate the comparability of house hold energy use and greenhouse gas emissions in Australia for heating, cooling, lighting, refrigeration, water heating and other appliances.
At first glance it is clear that the main component of the house hold energy uses for heating overall more than half of the statistics. The least use of household energy for cooling is remarked 2%. The household energy for lighting just mere 2% in cooling while a small percentage of household energy is used for the use of refrigeration about 7%. The use of energy for other appliances just half portion of water heating in 30%.
When household energy is compared with greenhouse gas emissions there are significant increments and decreases can be seen. The energy for heating is decreased by 27% when it comes to usage of emissions. Lighting just mere 2% comparing with household energy use. The use of emission for other appliances is remarked just more than quarter, 28% statistically. The users for refrigeration is increased by half of the statistic for emissions than household energy use. There is a slight difference by 2% growth in emissions for the use of water heating comparing with household energy.
Hi, Can you check it if it deserves high bands ?
The first pie chart shows us the different energy consumptions in a Australian household in percentages while the second pie chart illustrates how greenhouse gas emissions is affected from these usages in propotion.
Owerall, informations given by charts make clear that water heating and other appliances usages have significant impact on greenhouse gas emissions even if heating and water heating energy types are the more consumed ones in Australian houses.
According to data we reached from charts, water heating and heating usages have the largest pies in houses with propotions % 30 and % 42, respectively. On the other hand, other appliances and refrigeration consumptions are the following important ones with portions orderly % 15 and %7 meanwhile cooling and lighting have the less percentages with %2 and %4, respectively.
With informations showed in charts, water heating, other appliances and refrigerator cause most gas emissions with in an order 32, 28 and 14 percents. Besides that, cooling, lighting and heating energy uses are the less effective factors on gas emissions in Australian.
The pie charts provide information regarding the usage of several gas energy types and the amounts of gas emission that are produced by those types of energy in an average Australian family.
As can be clearly seen from the charts, the average Australian family use energy for heating, while the highest proportion of gas emission is produced by water heating.
Looking at the information in more detail, using energy for heating makes up the largest proportion of the total energy used by an average Australian family, at 42%. The energy used for water heating was the second most popular usage of energy, it comprises nearly a third of the total energy consumption. Moreover, water heating and heating accounted for roughly under half of total gas emission, collectively.
Turning to the remaining segments of the couple of charts, the usage of energy by other appliances is twice as much as refrigeration. Similarly, the amount of gas emission that is generated by other appliances is double the refrigeration, at 28% and 14% , respectively. Lighting and cooling make up the smallest part of the energy use chart, they make up one in twenty of that chart. Those two energy sources also contributed the least to gas emission, at around one-tenth of the total.
Good Writer
Hello, thanks very much as Ƭt is of great help.
Does it deserve 8,5?
Hi, John. The essay was corrected and improved by native speakers. I cannot guarantee that it can score an 8.5. However, I can say that it deserves at least an 8.
I see. Many thanks)).
How can I get my essays checked?
Lilly mam ,it deserve 7 or 7.5, because less use of connector
Hi, thanks for your comments. Why do you think that using a lot of linking words is a good thing? Do native speakers use a lot of linking words in their writing?
It’s really very helpful for my increase score in writing
Thank you Lilie King
This essay is really helpful but not account for some mistakes
Thank you, Bahor. What do you mean by “not account for some mistakes”? The essay was corrected and improved by native speakers. There is no error.
hello. I found several mistakes in your essay, I am glad to correct them. first of all, ‘ display ‘ is not appropriate here, it is better to use ‘ show ‘, then ‘ to be responsible for ‘ is used in negative sentences like smoking, not heating. To get a higher score, use fractions not to repeat numbers a lot, especially in pie charts.
Hi, this essay was corrected and improved by native English speakers. There is no error.
To address your concerns:
1. āDisplayā is correct and idiomatic here. Hereās a quote from the Guardian: TheĀ graph DISPLAYS the rise in circulation figures between December 1939 and August 1946, and the further boost between August and October 1946.
2. The use of āresponsible forā in that sentence is absolutely correct and idiomatic, according to a native speaker.
3. I used only one fraction for a reason. “Half” and “third” are easily graspable, but when you get into tenths, sixths, etc., it gets cumbersome (and some people can’t easily convert them in their heads). Don’t switch between percentages and fractions just for stylistic variety. Mathematical clarity, including clarity of language, is more important than style in this situation.
Thanks for this… Its really helpful
Glad you found it helpful! š
Thanks you
it is very helpful for me