The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
This essay question is from Cambridge IELTS 10 Test 1 Writing Task 1.
Australian household energy use
Australian household greenhouse gas emissions
Sample Essay
The first chart displays energy consumption in the average household in Australia, while the second chart illustrates the greenhouse gas emissions that come from this energy consumption.
Overall, while heating and water heating account for a significant proportion of energy use, most greenhouse gas emissions result from watering heating and other appliances.
Heating and water heating are the two largest uses of energy, at 42 and 30 percent of the total respectively. Other appliances consume another 15 percent, which is roughly twice as high as the percentage of energy used for refrigeration. The proportions of energy consumed for lighting and cooling are both very small, at 4 and 2 percent respectively.
Water heating is also a major source of greenhouse gas emissions, making up almost a third of total emissions. The second largest amount of emissions comes from other appliances, at 28 percent of the total. Heating, surprisingly, is only responsible for 15 percent of total emissions, and this figure is roughly the same as that for refrigeration. The remaining 11 percent results from lighting and cooling.
177 Words
Preposition
Generally, it should be ‘energy consumption for ’, or ‘energy consumption by
So: energy consumption for heating water OR energy consumption by water heaters.
How To Vary Your Language
Greenhouse Gas Emissions
“Greenhouse gas emissions” is a common and well-recognized phrase. Don’t try to change it. For example, don’t change it to “the amount of greenhouse gases emitted/produced”. One way is to use just “emissions”. Once we’ve established the context that we’re talking about greenhouse gas emissions, ‘greenhouse gas’ becomes redundant, as it’s obvious we’re referring to that. Please read the last paragraph to see how I used only “emissions”.
We can also use the constructions below to vary our language:
- Most emissions result from watering heating and other appliances.
- Most emissions come from watering heating and other appliances.
- Water heating is the biggest source of greenhouse gas emissions.
- Heating is only responsible for 15 percent of total emissions.
Energy Use
- energy consumption
- energy consumed
- energy used
9 Responses
It’s really very helpful for my increase score in writing
Thank you Lilie King
This essay is really helpful but not account for some mistakes
Thank you, Bahor. What do you mean by “not account for some mistakes”? The essay was corrected and improved by native speakers. There is no error.
hello. I found several mistakes in your essay, I am glad to correct them. first of all, ‘ display ‘ is not appropriate here, it is better to use ‘ show ‘, then ‘ to be responsible for ‘ is used in negative sentences like smoking, not heating. To get a higher score, use fractions not to repeat numbers a lot, especially in pie charts.
Hi, this essay was corrected and improved by native English speakers. There is no error.
To address your concerns:
1. “Display” is correct and idiomatic here. Here’s a quote from the Guardian: The graph DISPLAYS the rise in circulation figures between December 1939 and August 1946, and the further boost between August and October 1946.
2. The use of “responsible for” in that sentence is absolutely correct and idiomatic, according to a native speaker.
3. I used only one fraction for a reason. “Half” and “third” are easily graspable, but when you get into tenths, sixths, etc., it gets cumbersome (and some people can’t easily convert them in their heads). Don’t switch between percentages and fractions just for stylistic variety. Mathematical clarity, including clarity of language, is more important than style in this situation.
Thanks for this… Its really helpful
Glad you found it helpful! 😊
Thanks you
it is very helpful for me